Almost one year part 1

You will have to forgive the length of time it has taken me to write another blog post.

It is almost one year since my mom died.

In diapers, report cards
In spoke wheels, in speeding tickets
In contracts, dollars
In funerals, in births

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you figure our last year on earth?

Figure in love
Figure in love
Figure in love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
— https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rentcast/seasonsofloveb.html

“Seasons of Love B” — Original Broadway Cast of RENT (of course) is playing in my head, specifically the one that goes something like “measure in post cards and speeding tickets, in dollars and burns.” Because I want to know the actual lyrics I’m going to look them up ……

Okay … back - the quote that is especially poignant is “how do you figure our last year on earth.”

This year has brought about so much change! Many good, many sad, but all that I am better for, I believe.

I attended my mom’s funeral, celebrated her life with good friends in Texas, and discovered a trove of her watercolors which has led me to plan a retrospective of her work.

In May, I got back from my mom’s celebration of life and felt completely unraveled. I decided that I had to take some time to focus on myself and to try to mend my heart. At this time, I was dating a wonderful, delightful man. He made me laugh and we thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, but we were in two different places in life.

I reflected upon what to do and Erykah Badu’s “Next Lifetime” song came into my head. The stars didn’t align for our love. My heart and soul suffered another blow after I ended things after three years of being together.

Our relationship was beautiful. We helped each other get our jobs, overcome obstacles, and really feel love.

On May 23rd, my dad and I went to Winnipeg to escape the crazy shenanigans that Americans place on Memorial day and to reflect on a year since my mom’s diagnosis of Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. We explored and had a great time.

The months of June and July are a complete blur. I don’t recall what I did in those months, but just simply existed. June was the month when I somehow stumbled upon Nina Simone’s cover of Lilac Wine - it spoke to me on so many levels, the fragrance of lilacs in the balmy South Dakota summer, the lyrics, the complex chords, Ms. Simone’s voice, and/or the steady rhythm.

In late July, I came down from the clouds, as I found the house that I now own.

In August, I took the most delightful trip down to Texas for a week. While there, I disconnected from everything and let the sunny, HOT, summer rays soak in, to help heal my hurting heart. I went to my home town of Galveston and saw great friends in Houston.

The week after, I closed on my house and met a colleague who is in the same fraternity as I am! #PhiMuAlpha

The fall was immensely eventful - I began playing with the Augustana Orchestra and played a few concerts with the Brookings Civic Symphony. In October, I had the opportunity to collaborate with five other musicians in playing “The Last Five Years.” This musical hit home, as it is about two artists in love who gradually grow apart - Kathy (the female character) starts at the end of their relationship and progresses backwards and Jamie (the male character) begins at the beginning of their relationship and proceeds forward, and meeting in the middle for the marriage.

The song that really impacted me, was “If I Didn’t Believe in You” — I listen to this at least once per week.

The Thanksgiving holiday came — it was hard to not have mom there. My mom and I liked to bake and cook together - it was hard to not have her cooking on Thanksgiving.

The day after Thanksgiving, November 23, 2018 would have been her 71st birthday. That day my cat, Octavius, passed away suddenly from an infection in his arm. The vet did everything she could, but when they arrived on Saturday, he was gone. I know Octavius and my mom are having a good time in the next realm. I have since had dreams of them together, so I know he is being looked after.

The year ended perfectly with lots of family, beer, and food on Christmas and New Years.

I will continue this series tomorrow with pictures of my Winnipeg trip, trips to Texas, and Thursday will be pictures of the last year of my mom.